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 Watch Thisby Lenora Nunnley
So…you're at a movie, sporting event, or simply attentively watching something when someone else energetically exclaims, "Watch this!" In most instances of the "Watch this!" exclamation, everyone in the room is actually already watching whatever "this" may be; often watching is already the priority verb at the moment. In these all too frequent situations, attentive individuals smoothly rotate their necks towards the individual who said, "Watch this." Including voice recognition, processing of information in the brain, and the actual turning of the head, individuals usually spend between 2 and 4.25 seconds of their time (Please do not use this fact around knowledgeable individuals). Given the individual's extreme enthusiasm when demanding that others "Watch this!" we know that "this" is urgent and that one must look immediately because it is most likely a matter of seconds before "this" happens. In too many cases, "this" happens between 2 and 4.25 seconds after the statement "Watch this!" meaning that when "this" occurs the very people that you wanted to witness "this" are actually looking at you when it takes place. Now, obviously this sucks because you would have caused people to miss "this" which probably would have changed their lives for the better and resulted in peace in the Middle East. Instead, you have between one and some even number of pupils staring back at you (The one pupil is from the one person who is so annoyed or frustrated that their face is so bent out of shape that only one eye is open. In six cases, the one pupil belongs to your superstitious friend who sleeps with one eye open). From this point on the conversation usually goes as followed: In disappointment, you say, "You missed it." Everyone else, in perfect harmony, exclaims, "What?" Being cautious to avoiding eye contact, you say, "Nevermind." At this point most people turn back around, relax their shoulders, and continue watching whatever they were watching before you so stupidly interrupted. However, in 84.2 percent of these cases, there will be at least one individual who insists on knowing what "this" was that they missed. Ninety-two percent of the time this persistent individual will be your, or someone else's, mother. Now, along with fighting warm crocodile tears and trying to overcome the disappointment, you are forced to explain in great detail and answer questions about "this." "This," which would have taken 7 seconds to watch, has now turned into a 24.5 minute conversational piece-you are not happy. Because of this conversation, you, nor anyone else, will have their lives changed and there will never be peace in the Middle East. Okay, I guess what I'm trying to show is that exclaiming "Watch this!" might not be the best idea. Perhaps, we should be more specific and say "Watch with your eyes (or eye) what is about to occur between 2 and 4.25 seconds on the television set you are looking at right now!" However, that might not work unless you learned how to speak at an auction. A better alternative would be to say, "Watch
that!" but I still foresee complications. Perhaps the best
way to handle the previously analyzed situation is to say nothing
at all. That's right---silence. |
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From The Attic
Cheshire Cat
Truly Calhoun
Songs of