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Distilled from limbecks foul as hell within, Applying fears to hopes, and hopes to fears, Still losing when I saw myself to win!" William Shakespeare, "Sonnet CXIX" A day later than you should- In the boat everyone said You should retire or part out- Yeah, you would rather cut off your arm- You always had that argument with Charlie- Your mate and best friend in the world- But you knew Charlie was mostly kidding- You could tell by the careful way he polished the rails And kept it as fit as you could afford- not much usually- For the last year, you and Charlie had lived in the islands Before you set up a "home base" in Jamaica- Which was fine with Charlie, who had family there- It was really funny, Charlie-ebony black with the Jamaican accent- And you - a white guy from a fishing village in Massachusetts- But you really were like brothers-Charlie had dreadlocks So you decided to try them one day-Charlie took one look And managed to pitch you off the dock Just before he laughed so hard he almost fell in too- Now Charlie had met Bekah, the love of his life- They had lived together for almost three months Before Charlie had talked you into coming over to their house for supper- Bekah had opened the door and with a horrified look Dropped a huge platter of jerked pork And scrambling Charlie did fall over laughing this time As Bekah sputtered, "But you told me he was your brother"- But before the night was over, she was convinced that you really were- The funniest part of the whole thing was that Bekah worked in Customs And you knew they had a thick file on both you and Charlie somewhere- As sure as the sun you know Rose up on your right More than an hour ago- Or maybe it's not there As dark as it is you can't tell- It might as well be midnight Walking through the graveyard Sneaking home from the girl's house When you were fifteen and braver Until the big rusty steel gate That protected the graveyard Screeched open and you couldn't Tell which was faster- Your heartbeat or your steps- Until you climbed through Your safe bedroom window And heard the safer sounds Of your old man's snore- What you wouldn't give to hear The old man and his creaky mattress But right now all your hear Is the scream of the gale And you wonder if the jib will hold- Because the mains'l's just about gone- You should have dropped it When it all started round midnight- But as usual you outsmarted yourself And just knew you could get A couple more hours out of its seams That were mostly in shreds now- Worn thin like the thinnest gown- And you have to smile to yourself Remembering that you just had to- Just had to name her the Lady- Well, she had been more faithful To you than any other woman That you had ever loved Or at least thought you loved- But then again you had certainly Been more faithful to her And had for sure never Put another woman before her- Another woman, you had to smile more- You had ever known and She was certainly better to you Than you had ever deserved And as you gripped her wheel In this latest disaster you had stumbled into- You could still feel the familiar places In that old wooden wheel Worn by your hands and as You look down even through the rain You see that some of those worn spots Are fresh red where they should be oak- But you know that it probably Doesn't matter, a little blood- But you're probably going to have more Than enough left to make it To the end of this trip- And your ripped hands Don't sting nearly as much As your eyes and you know That some of that salt Is coming not just from the spray But from tears because you know That this is a one-way ride- The compass broke a couple of hours ago But you reckon it really doesn't matter either- Nobody is going to find you In this and the beacon, if it works, Will just tell them where you end up- And God bless the Coasties- It wouldn't help anybody getting Some kid killed who loves his Mother as much as you do yours And that kid might even have A good woman and some young'ns that Need their dad, but then you Smile again because now You realize the Coastie might Be somebody's mom and have A good man waiting for her- But anyway, no Coasties Are gonna find you in this- At any rate, you chose this boat ride, So you turn loose of the wheel And stumble, grabbing everything you can And turn off the beacon- No, you'll have no Coasties throw Away their lives for you- And you know they would without a Second thought-but that won't be on Your conscience and you put that out of your mind- You remember your mom and You know how much this will hurt her- But even though you haven't been Much of a son or of a man- She knows how much you love her- That was the reason for the trip to begin with- You hadn't seen her for well over a year And you had a feeling that you just had to go home- Charlie had wanted to come, without question like always- But Bekah had just found out that she was pregnant And so you refused to even hear of it, no matter how much he argued- Charlie had to stay with Bekah, and that was that- He had begged you over and over not to go alone- But you had made it alone before and you would again- At the dock, Charlie and Bekah came to see you off- With Charlie giving the Lady a thorough going over And demanding to know if you had gotten the radio fixed- "Yeah, sure," you lied-well you had worked on it and it seemed to work- You thought his bearhug goodbye was longer than usual And you noticed the worried look when he said, "You come back to us soon, Brother Mon, or I'll turn respectable"- So Charlie starting taking the ropes loose as you fired the small outboard And you noticed they had packed enough provisions for five runs- But now you are jerked back literally by the wheel As it almost breaks your wrist and you wish you had some Of Charlie's rum or a big glass of your own creation, "Black Mango"- Which is a mixture of mango juice and a large dose of Jack Daniel Black, hell, for that matter tonight You would settle for a big bottle of just JD Black- Something to warm you and steady your nerves- JD Black had never failed you, except for the hangovers- A small thing to worry about now- But Charlie knows you too well And not only had he not packed your snake bite kit- He had even taken the bottle that you were sure That only you knew about- And wonder for a moment how it Might have been if you could've changed- But she had wanted you permanently dry-docked And that was just something you wouldn't stand for But anyway she was better off now with the other guy- The banker that came home when she Expected him to and filled Her expectations, expectations, hell He might as well be wearing a leash- But no time to think about that- She deserved to be happy and she Certainly deserved Mr. Banker- But you knew she still thought About you when the wind blew right Or she felt the salt spray And whenever she saw the sea And probably the last thing at night Before she went to sleep And felt for where you used to be- You had been watching the waves And knew you never had seen Any that approached these mountains- Maybe once when you were a kid Stationed on the carrier during your hitch in the navy Where you had tried to be respectable For a couple of years, well you had tried- That was where you had met Charlie And had become like brothers after a particularly rough bar fight- To this day you still argued who saved who, But the fight had ended with the two of you fighting back against back- But the mountains are not what You notice the most now, big as they are- It's the change in the witch's song, An old longliner had told you about the song And even through all the beers That you had bought for him and tried To outdrink him even though You really felt sorry for him And enjoyed to hear the tales That changed more often than not As he drank more beer and ate less bread- But one that never changed was the one Where his voice would quieten And no matter how much he had drunk The story was always the same As his eyes would look into yours Like he was sharing a secret That he would only tell his son- The one that he never had- About the witch's song- And how during one nor'easter That was the worst he was ever in- He had heard the song And no matter how many times He told you, and these times were rare, No matter, the hair on the back of your neck Would rise and a cold streak would go All the way through you and even Tequila wouldn't take it away- But he told of how the waves had grown And the rigging howled and screamed- Loud like you thought your ears Would bleed or just shut down- But that would be too merciful- But then he had heard the song Sweet and almost soft through the noise Of the gale that seemed to quieten- And Old Josh told you that he thought Maybe it was like the eye- You know that they have in a hurricane- But he looked and the cliffs and canyons Were bigger than ever and growing But the song, the song Seemed to grow inside his head Sweet and comforting like No woman had ever talked to him And he listened for words But just heard the voice- Or maybe it was several voices blended In words that sounded familiar- But he couldn't quite make them out And he was sober; you knew this better than most- In a nor'easter like that You might not start out sober But it don't take you long to get there And as Josh looked at the crew Who were battling as hard as him He realized that they didn't hear The song, instead they were Screaming as loud as they could To try to be heard by each other- But Josh just wanted to hear the song And his eyes strained through The blow to try to see just where, Just where it could be coming from And how beautiful that singer Must be, whether she be flesh or spirit- And Josh said he strained while he Fought the lines and tried to stand But he just couldn't see Even though the song became clearer And for the first time, he heard his name And began to understand even though He knew it wasn't a language- It was just in his head, just for him- And then when the wave wall Finally broke the boat and twisted It as he had just done the empty beer can-- At the base of the wave, he saw Or at least he thought he saw Blowing spray that was the hem of a gown And more spray that were locks of Sea-green hair that blew in their own wind And then a smile and eyes that glowed Greener than the emerald that the pub barmaid Wore in the ring she was so proud of- But then Old Josh would get even quieter When he said, "I saw her and she called to me- Just to me" but then the captain had grabbed Him and pushed him over and the next thing He remembered was the Coastie Grabbing him by the survival suit And dragging him on the zodiac And telling him that he must be The luckiest son of a bitch that Had ever left Gloucester-but Josh Didn't feel lucky and could still hear the song- But he never shipped again and now He could just hear the song barely Sometimes when the wind blew just right And the fog curled in so you couldn't see Anything and it was like everything was gone- Except for the song that called him- On the outer banks with no place to harbor- No anchor would hold you facing into the wind in this gale- If you grounded, well, you didn't want to think of that- But you would be ground up, tumbled, bits and bones- Yep, your luck was running true as the radio quit And the radar crapped-the radome must have blown off- And so now you know what Old Josh Was talking about as the pitch of the gale Changes and the melody starts faintly And you wonder how you can hear Anything so faint in this hell, but you do And since it's just you and the Lady You know she's never sung to you like this- No matter how drunk you were or How lost you got in the fog- So the song must be for you The witch must be singing only for you And you realize the gale is quieter- You can barely hear the mains'l As you see it flying apart in shreds And then the mast is gone And you wonder how it managed To missed your head as it flies by With nothing but a stump of splinters Where it had been for so many years- But that doesn't matter now- The song, the song fills you And you can't tell how many voices Or where they come from- But that doesn't matter either And what had been a song Becomes a song with words- Strange words that you can't quite hear Or maybe it's because you don't understand But they grow sweeter, more insistent And even before you hear your name You know she's calling to you- That she's waiting for you- And you think how strange That some woman cared enough for you To come out in this terrible night- And the next moment you feel The wheel spinning free in your hands And you numbly smile because you know The rudder is gone and even if The waves don't get your Lady- There's no way she'd have A chance at all unless she could Grow wings and rise above all this- So you smile again and decide that all That's left is the song- So sing it sweetly and Let's get it over with-And that's What she does as the deck starts to slip- Now you hear the words As you start to understand What they mean and through the spray You think, but then you know That you see the gown of spray And seaweed and glowing against the dark- Green that makes her skin seem even paler And her hair flows smoothly as Though it's just been brushed just for you- And you have never seen any teeth white as those Shining through her smiling green lips- Beauty never touched by any makeup But when you see her glowing emerald eyes- You know to the deepest part of you that This beauty is just for you as she Glides closer and for a moment You wonder why it is so calm- Almost like the graveyard when you were a kid, But just for a moment, for she stretches Her hand that drips with seaweed- But with the most delicate fingers That you know will fit yours so well And you never smelled any perfume That was sweeter than her salt spray- Even as her song continues- Her breath and her hair brush your cheek And then as she embraces you- Her body cool but letting you know You will never be cold again And as she leads you across the rail That is level with the sea now- You know you will never be alone again And as you look back at the Lady- You smile as you say goodbye To that best friend and love Sinking beneath the waves and you Think about how Old Josh was right after all- But now all you want to see Are that smile and those emerald eyes- As she leads you into the water That has suddenly become calm, You wonder how you could have ever Been frightened at all listening To Josh's story of the witch's song- As you look at her, her eyes glow brighter- She smiles as her song stops- Her lips move and you hear, "Are you sure, my love?"- You think about your mom and Charlie and Bekah And just for a split second, you ask Yourself if you have made it to heaven or hell- But as you feel her hand in yours- You decide it really doesn't matter- And she holds you tight- Sweet smells of the sea and the islands- Her hair blows across your face- Seaweed, but softer than any hair you've felt- She kisses you-salty but sweet like some wine From a crusted bottle you had discovered in a Cave on a pirate's island years ago- You notice that her teeth are sharp- But as she ends the kiss- You realize that is part of her beauty- And you also realize with a start That you are completely underwater And that you can't breathe- Then she kisses you again And whispers in your ear, "Let go, just let go- Trust me, my love" As if there was any doubt, When you look into her eyes-so clear and green- You say, "Of course, I do," then- "I'm talking underwater" "How else could I hear you, my love," she smiles- And you are also taking deep saltwater breaths- As the black sea begins to appear brighter To you and you see beautiful things You have only dreamed of- But, of course, none of them as beautiful as Your new sea emerald Lady As she leads you through chasms in the deep And fantastic places that you know She will share with you for all time to come-
words losing of tired am I Dixon Will Will Dixon is a tenth generation Tennessean, but has since his college days lived in Mississippi, Germany, Texas, Florida, Australia, Tennessee again, and then back to Florida where he now lives in Rockledge, a small city a few miles inland from the Space Coast. Each place was the same and different as were its people - an education in itself if one were not foolish enough to ignore it, and he has tried his best not to ignore the people or the places. Now the voices come back either as characters or inspirations. The voice of an opal miner in the Outback might come back as the voice of an old sailor. Will is left-handed, dyslexic, an Aquarian, and has been told by numerous doctors that he has neurological issues; so he claims he is probably wired differently and looks at things from different angles than most folks. All well for writing, sometimes good for life issues, but can play hell when he is trying to understand the symbols used for international road signs! |
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