|
A monthly column of verse, musings and observations by Billy Jones.
I know one thing I'm not going to write about and that's Valentine's Day. I'm just not going to write about Valentine's Day, Everybody writes about Valentine's Day and as one who spent 4 years delivering flowers to other men's wives and girlfriends (Some guys had both) I am not about to start writing about Valentine's Day now. I'm not even going to tell you about the 8 foot tall Valentine's card I once gave to the girl who eventually became my second ex-wife - no, Sir. And, I'm not going to tell you about how the next year I labored for weeks to create the world's smallest Valentine's card while working through a magnifying glass only to watch her throw it in the floor while yelling, "I hate you!" at the top of her lungs. I'm not going to tell you how a woman will think you a sucker for writing her a love poem for Valentine's Day, nor am I going to mention that any girl who drops her drawers because you wrote her a poem is probably young enough to get you sent to the big house. No, I didn't go to prison but I didn't get lucky either. I'm not going to tell you that asking a girl out on a first date for Valentine's Day is a sure fire way to get taken for a ride straight back to your house - alone. Oh sure, if she doesn't already have a date she'll be happy to let you wine and dine her but all the while she's thinking this guy must really be a loser if he couldn't get a date until the last minute. Nope, I'm just not going to talk about it. Nor will I tell you how buying jewelry for her before you've gotten her in the sack is a sure fire way to get dumped even if it's not Valentine's Day. And that Valentine's Day trip to the day spa that cost me a week's hard earned wages... There's no way I'm writing about that especially after finding out she had a thing going on with her masseuse. I'm certainly not going to tell you how she'll blame you because she gained 10 pounds from eating the entire box of gourmet chocolates you bought her for Valentines Day. I mean, it's not like I told her to eat them all in one night. I like Chocolate as much as anybody but the box I bought for myself lasted 2 years. And the headache and sick stomach she got from drinking both bottles of Champagne... No, I'm not going to write about that either. The least she could have done was to have waited until I got home from delivering all those flowers. Do you have any idea what it cost to buy enough roses to cover her bed with rose petals? How was I to know she was allergic to roses? It may well be that it's February but I have no intention of writing about Valentine's Day - not now, not ever.
Billy Jones is a poet, author and aspiring entrepreneur who writes BloggingPoet.com and is a managing partner of Blogsboro.com, an enterprise dedicated to highlighting creativity online. For more from Billy visit his columns: January, December, November, and October; or his online home. |
Cheshire Cat
Songs
of
So
anyway, Shirley e-mailed me the other day to remind me that the
February edition of Word Catalyst Magazine was about to go live
and she needed my column, and I thought it a good idea I throw
something together so as not to rankle her ire. Or is that ire
her rankle? I can never remember.
